2yoa23aSo today’s game was billed as sexy football v vile, boring football. A Halle Berry v Sonia from Eastenders, a beauty v the beast if you will and a quick look at the two number fours summed that up in one quick glace. Pedro Mendes the Rangers number 4 has a Hunchback-esque look about his boat race and the ability to scar young children for life, whereas our number 4 is like some Catalan love God…and football God.

Anyhow our line up today started stronger than that which lined up against Atletico. Almunia came in for Manonne, his defence was made up of Eboue, Gallas, Silvestre and the machine that is Gael Clichy. In midfield we had Cesc, Song, Merida, Liam Brady err I mean Jack Wilshere and Arshavin who was playing slightly off Eduardo who was upfront.

Ahhh well where to start? Fancy a goal? No problem! Arses were barely on seats when we took the lead. Arshavin, who had previously tormented Rangers in Europe, picked up where he left off. After some great work down the left Cesc put in some lovely work around the box and found Arshavin inside the Rangers area. Andrey who really is the most deadly Russian ever, even more than Stalin, flicked the ball superbly back into Cesc’s path. The ball ended up at the feet of yesterdays man of the match, Jack Wilshere, who poked the ball home. McGregor would probably be a bit disappointed as he got a hand to it but f**k it Jacky just stuck us one nil up. Lovely bit of work.

Anyhow moving on what else you want? Another goal? Oh alright then! Around the 10 minute mark a long ball was played up field to The Arsh who headed, yes headed it, into the path of Fran Merida. Merida played a cleverly disguise pass into the magical little feet of Eduardo who wasted no time in coolly slotting the ball past McGregor and into the net. 2-0 up without even getting out of first gear…in fact I don’t even think we’d started the engine.

Our first scare came when Mendes foiled the offside, got a good cross in which was eventually cut out by Silvestre. The clearance could have went anywhere but it didn’t it went behind the goal for a corner from which nothing happened.

We had settled into the game easily and dictated the tempo, to be honest Rangers could barely get out their on penalty box never mind their own half. Dominance was the word.

Eduardo then megged ex Fulham boy Steve Davies. Always bring a smile to my face when someone gets megged.

Anyhow moving on from 30 yards our Merida hit a sweet shot on the turn which worried McGregor. It ended up going wide by some great vision shown by the youngster.

We ran the entire first half with Rangers threatening about erm once? Well a few corners from them exposed that same weakness from last season with the cross balls into the box. Till screaming out for a dominant centre half Mr Wenger. Whittaker in the right back position was continually raped by Arshavin and Clichy who were consistently amazing down the left. We had great interplay and some fancy footwork and flicks. Not to get carried away though as it is only pre-season but we did play some nice stuff today.

Our niceness was almost capped as half time approached. Jack Wilshere picked up the ball on the right hand side of the penalty box, flicked it over not one but two Rangers players then from outside the box on the left hand side he attempted an audacious chip on the Rangers keeper. McGregor who has a few scares today probably turned his pants a nasty shade of brown as the ball looked to be floating over his head and into the net. In the end he got his paw to it and Wilshere was denied a second. Half time, 2-0 Gooners.

Half time saw Denilson and Traore replace Clichy and Gallas respectively. The second half started brightly with us picking up where we left off with some Beyonce like stuff going on, looking at us on the pitch was sexual but the music (provided by Rangers fans) was shit…just like Beyonce.

Rangers were then presented with a great chance but Silvestre got in a vital touch as the ball came in and a brave block by Alexandre Song from Steve Davies prevented the ball going goal ward.

Can we have like a whip round or something for Jack Wilsheres mum for producing such a f***ing talent? I actually am scared to say I love him though incase I get some Jacko style peado claims tossed at me. His feet are like two little wands that just cast the most outrageous little spells. He’s the Harry Potter of football…minus the specs and dodgy scar.

Traore then had a go and f***ked Whittaker, is this guy some kind of football poofcake or something? After the raping a game of keep ball followed with no end product but we kept and shifted the ball around well.

A slip by Song almost let Rangers in, great save with his legs by the bold Manual who wrote his life memoirs today. Handy work if you can get it. 60 minutes on the clock Sanchez-Watt and Bendtner entered the pitch taking over from Eduardo and Arshavin. Arshavin had a MENSA meeting to attend, apparently he’s just that genius… no idea what Eduardo got up to afterwards.

Again more passing brilliance from us. Merida was then replaced by Ramsey who’s introduction played a part in the third goal. Bougherra tried and failed to usher the ball over the by line. Sanchez -Watt wrapped his foot around, got the ball and put it right in the path of Ramsey who the played a lovely floated ball over to Wilshere. Wilshere, again whip round anyone? Anyhow Jack the Lad then just runs onto it, on the volley, left foot, stabs it right past McGregor. No chance McGregor would have got his paws on that one and if he did they would have been ripped right off.

To be honest after the third the game got a bit scrappy, Rosicky replaced Cesc and again we passed Rangers off the pitch.

Good work out and the Emirates cup stays at the Grove. Hopefully it won’t be the only silverwear in the trophy room this season.

By Ades_Dancin_Shoes
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