rvp1First of all can I start this by saying that I have never been so disappointed with Arsenal fans in my life this week. The outpouring of rage was disgusting and as I’ve already said to these ‘fans’ if you don’t like it – do one. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

With that off my chest it was a somewhat low key build up the match…like f**k it was! Cesc was named, to my delight, as the new club captain. We made the last 16 of the Champions League. Gallas basically told Chelski they were **** but he also came off as a money grabbing tosser. A few Chelski boys opened their mouths and let their belly rumble. As a supposed club in crisis it was backs against the wall time and time to prove a point…or three.

We lined up with Almunia between the sticks, a back four of Clichy, Djourou, Gallas and a welcome return to Sagna. In the middle we had Captain Cesc, Song, Denilson on the right and Nasri making his return after injury on the left. Up top Robin Van Persie was partnered with Adebayor who also returned to the starting line up.

For the first ten minutes of the game I can only liken our performance to that of Britney Spears on X-Factor the previous night. The show was going on but we weren’t really there. For some reason unknown to man, beast or Chelski fan they just seemed to be picking up every second ball. Chelski were applying the pressure and we just looked glad to get the ball out our half.

When we did get the ball out our half Van Persie drilled a great cross along the deck hoping in vain to find Adebayor. The Chelski box was a wash with the great unwashed hordes of defenders and it went out for a corner.

From the resulting corner Gallas almost had the change to really flick two fingers up to everyone inside Death Star. The corner kind of faded to nothing but Ade floated a ball in which resulted in Gallas actually taking it away from goal but putting it on the feet of Nasri. Sammy’s shot was deflected into the path of Gallas. Gallas was just about to feel the force and stick us 1-0 up he fell over.

Young Denilson who had a terrific game today also had the chance to give us the lead. Van Persie worked harder than an Ewok with one of those ‘at the gym’ play lists on their iPods and wriggled the ball out to Ade who picked the perfect little pass into the path of Denilson. With the forces of darkness closing down on him young pad wan Denilson snatched at it and sent his shot over the bar.

Jose Bosingwa looks like Ed, Edd or Eddy from Ed, Edd & Eddy. And surely with the cash he’s on he can go get that f***ing ridiculous uni-brow sorted? Maybe the Chelski gimps like uni-brows but to the rest of us sane people it looks ridiculous. Anyhow I think it’s Ed he looks like so Ed gets the ball after we stand off Deco and give him the room to lay off a classy ball out to the right wing. Ed is also given too much time and has a crack at goal. The biscuit munching whore hit’s the shot so high and wide that it ends up in another time zone. Tosser.

Ashley Cole ended up on his arse by the power invested in Adebayor – for that Ade gets my MOTM.

Chelski receive a rather dodgy free kick right on the outside of the area. Ade leaped up, got his header in and like geriatric sex absolutely nothing came from the opportunity.

Just after half an hour had gone Manuel Almunia gives position away from a poor throwout. Que? Ed (Edd or Eddy) picks the ball up and whips in a great ball only for Johan Djourou to slide it into our net. Sad face.
At half time Arsene had a job to do. I also took it upon myself to say a quick prayer.

Chelski almost doubled their lead when Deco played a lovely reverse pass into the box only for it to be snuffed out by Djourou.

The bold Manuel then puts himself right up beside the Royal Mail in terms of distribution when he almost let Lampard in from a poor kick out.

Captain Fabtastic played a deliciously amazing ball to Adebayor who was caught in two minds what to do with it really. In the end he couldn’t bring it down but he’s just back from a few weeks out and like Chris Evans barnet he looked a bit rusty.

The goal was coming, it came, I came.

When the ball was delight guided down by Ade into the path of Nasri who in turn played an equally delightful ball to Denilson who was on the edge of the Chelski penalty box. Denilson the played a killed pass to Van Persie who rifled the ball home with his weaker foot. Rumour has it he was offside, reality is I don’t give a shit!! 1-1 and game on!

John Terry should have seen red for is terrible two footed tackle on Sanga. It’s the type of tackle you just don’t wanna see, a bit like catching your mum and dads at it. Not nice and not necessary.

Oh you can now thank me for my prayer. As we all know God is a Dutchie! Bergkamp sorted it out for his fellow country man Van Persie. From a Fabregas free kick Adebayor leapt like a kangaroo on crack and Van Persie spun and hit the ball. His shot could not have been any sweeter, as it beat Petrrrrr Cech and rolled majestically over the line.

FEEL THE f***ing FORCE TERRY AND STICK THIS UP YOUR f***ing GALACTIC EMPIRE!

To be honest I have no idea what happened after that goal. I recall Pinky came on for Perky.

The final whistle went and I dreamt of going home to have sex with my wife all the while imagining her to look like RVP’s second goal.

The force was with us young padawans, you have now became Jedi Masters! The force is now with you! Go forth and tell the world that Death Star has been defeated!

Wrote by ADS @ Goonersworld

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