10/11/08 – 16/11/08

What do Arsene Wenger and new Transport Secretary Geoff Hoon have in common?

No? Can’t see one? Well I’ll give you a few clues

Geoff Hoon when asked what he’d do if Greater Manchester’s citizens rejected plans for a £2.75bn plan for a congestion charge scheme he replied:

“If there was a `no’ there would be no central government funding.” (source Manchester Evening News)

If teams play Arsenal and park a bus in front of us, we seem to be devoid of ideas.

The common link? They both have no Plan B

Or isn’t there?

After the exultation of defeating Red Noises Nancy boys, attention turned to the Wenger Babes as they took their place under the nation’s spotlight against a full strength Wigan team (minus Heskey). And they passed the examination with flying colours!

Not content with disposing of Sheffield Utd, they routed Wigan with the minimum of fuss.

Jay Simpson bagged a brace and Carlos the Jackal bagged the goal of the game.

Young Jack Wilshere gave notice of his exponential talent with a pass straight outta the Liam Brady manual of how to thread a ball through the eye of a needle for Arsenal’s first!

Simpson did it justice by duly dispatching the ball for the first. He scored his second and one could easily see why he was voted League One’s Player of the Season whilst at Millwall last year.

Vela rounded things off with an impudent chip reminiscent of Tiger Woods holing a putt using a pitching wedge from a bunker.

Not to be outdone, Fabi makes the save of the game by parrying the ball into Amr Zaki’s path for an open goal tap-in (surely!), only to improbably twist like a trapeze artist and tip the shot onto the bar. Sick! You just can’t offer a kid candy and then take it away as he’s about to devour it. Inhumane. If that wasn’t ungentlemanly conduct I don’t know what is!?!

This past week sees footballers dragging the name of the game through the mud. Apparently. Dogbra is reprimanded for returning money to a Burnley supporter who had dropped a coin. He even acknowledged the Burnley fans’ show of appreciation by giving them the popular one finger wave.

Dogbra’s Good Samaritan act kicks off a media with hunt of all that’s wrong with the English game, highlighting the lack of discipline and respect amongst professional footballers.

Everyone from David Norris to Ishmel Demontagnac, through Chris Morgan to Windass vs King are placed in football’s ‘wall of shame’ as everything from violent conduct, poor taste goal celebrations, bar room brawls and breaching the peace are underlined in a week that ‘brings the game into disrepute’.

To be perfectly honest it sounds not too dissimilar to the typical post match shenanigans after a South London Senior London game down the Nag’s Head in Downham. What’s the fuss???

Let me be the first to say good luck to the Wenger Babes as they embark on a trip oop north to Burnley for the Carling Cup engagement. Going there makes a trip to Istanbul seem like a vacation to Butlins.

Real news of violence, indiscipline, lack of disrespect and disrepute comes in the form the “Baby P” case.

Turns out the Police and a social worker pleaded for the toddler to be taken away from the parents’ care. But Haringey Council, yes the very same incompetents from the Victoria Climbiē tragedy, decided in their infinite wisdom that there wasn’t enough evidence to put him in Care.

Now excuse my ignorance (I am not a parent nor a social worker) but, how much “evidence” does one need to enforce an order to put an abused child into Care???

How about two separate reports of injuries filed first by his GP and then his Social Worker? What about TWO black eyes and TWELVE areas of bruising and scratching found on the baby? Is enough not enough when his head has been smashed onto a mantelpiece? Still not enough evidence yet? Only once he’s found dead in his cot with a BROKEN BACK do they think ‘oh, I think there might’ve of been a little bit of mistreatment here…’ and some clever dick decides to pin the blame on a family friend saying that she:

“…allegedly demanded a ‘large sum’ of money to look after Baby P” and “that social workers were over-reacting and that the mother’s explanation of rough play and head-banging was correct.” (source Evening Standard)

More news of bullying and disrespect abound on I’m A Celebrity… Robert Kilroy Silk decides to bully Joe Cole’s missus… must be because he won’t have a cat’s chance in hell of bedding a ditwitted WAG Carly Zucker, even with his oily car salesman’s looks.

You’re past it Rob, why not try it on with Esther Rantzen. She’s about the only chick who’s dying to see your impersonation of Tarzan King of the Jungle.

John Sergeant continues to defy the ageists and euphanasiasts by surviving another week on Strictly Come Dancing… This time it’s Cherie Lunghie that gets the chop. I’d love to give her the chop! She’s a bona fide GILF!

The credit crisis claims yet another victim. A top banker was charged with murdering his wife at their marital home. One less potential financial liability to deal with I s’pose… (sorry… bad taste, terribly bad taste…)

Back to the beautiful game, now.

I say beautiful but, how can watching Niki Bendtner and co playing like a bunch of John Sergeants Morris Dancing to the Tango be beautiful??

Wenger’s assessment:

“You have to accept that the game is played by human beings and sometimes physically they have a drop.

“It is very difficult for us to have a rational explanation about what happened today.

“I believe that the team want it but it was just like a few other times this year where it is unexplainable why we don’t really play at our 100 per cent potential.” (source Sky Sports)

Hmmmm… really?

Another friggin’ defeat days after the kids put their opposition to the sword.

Plan B??? Easy, fling on some of the ‘kids’. Nay, on that display, use friggin all of them!!!

In a weekend where English sport took a hammering at the hands of the Aussies (twice – Rugby league & union), Cricket (thrashing from India) and, legendary Randy Couture was pummelled into the canvas by Brock Lesnar my only crumb of comfort was in David Hayemaker’s demolition of Monte Barrett. I only hope he’s not biting off more than he can chew against the Klitschko’s. Cos that’s a helluva lot of Ukrainian beef you’re messing with, boyo…..

Big welcome back on Goonersworld goes to Good Eye Sniper. And in keeping with his weird and wonderful musings he tries (unsuccessfully) to get us interested in Nathan “flutebox” Lee. Don’t give up the day job pal.

After swearing to never put up any more pics, Scottish Lass’s narcissism gets the better of her and she posts pics of herself and her little boy.  I shall refrain from calling her a yummy mummy….

ChVint attempts to outdo Git with his own youtube signature. Basically it’s a song about his deteriorating relationship with his ummm… little soldier. Hmmm, somehow buddy I think you’ve missed a trick there…

This week I’d like to end my ramblings with news of one of music’s greatest and most controversial entertainers.

Smooth Criminal Wacko Jacko looks forward to yet another day in court. This time against some Arab Sheikh who claims Jacko took £3.7m and failed to show up at his party. Memo to sheikh: Do you Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’? Rumours on the grapevine says that he was busying himself trying to pay off his utility bills at his Neverland Ranch. Bet you any money he’ll probably

Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It

No One Wants To Be Defeated

Show em’ How Funky Strong Is Your Fight

It Doesn’t Matter Who’s Wrong Or Right