20/10/08 – 26/10/08
Welcome to this week’s rivetingly pointless pointless episode of TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW. Another late press guys n gals (possibly a sign of the way things’ll be methinks).
Hands up all those who thought Abu Dhabi was a crock of shite. C’mon, you know who you are…
Inchy, (at the behest of AA1886) take bow for predicting once and for all that Diaby is after all an attacking midfielder. His dazzling display is only one element of an outstanding attacking performance that sees our boys run out 5-2 victors, and proves there’s a lot of bull that surrounds the Bosphorous. Chavski, take note.
Captain Almunia also thrives in Istanbul as he almost single-handedly restricts Geeza & co to only a couple of goals.
Baron Ramsey claims the fifth and final goal enhancing his claims as midfield general in waiting.
Fresh from his Bendtner-bashing campaign LRL finds a new project in Alex Song, after the kid concedes a header for the Fenerboys to pull the score back momentarily to 4-2. This after scoring himself to make it 4-1.
Unimpressed and not to be censured LRL continues with his incessant Song-destroying, and finds an ally in his Chavski chum Ken Day.
David Beckham, tired of the fashion, glitz/glamour and showbiz circus that comes with living in LA decides it’s time to move to the relatively unheard of backwater that is Meeeelano…. Well after a year of pasture in the States pocketing something in the region of £26m he is clearly thinking about what he’ll do in retirement.
What’s Chuck on about? I hear you ask.
Let me explain: Posh must’ve extolled the virtues of launching dvb back in Europe.
And where else would be a better spot to see your brand take flight than the world’s fashion capital: Meeelano.
They ain’t stupid: You gotta think of life after football. Long gone are the days of putting your name above the door at the local village public house, matey.
Cesc claims an Italian giant made an ‘economically substantial offer’ during the summer transfer window.
Far too many reports with Fab’s name in the headline these days.
You know the old saying; where there’s smoke….
George Ossie Osbourne gets caught out asking Oligarch Deripaska for a £50k donation whilst sunning himself on the Russian’s yacht in the South of France. As if being put up all expenses paid on the Riviera wasn’t enough the ponsy git goes and asks the man to lend him a couple of quid. Pesky Tory’s got no class. Cheeky b*stard!
And once it comes out in the press he threatens to sue his old school chum Nat Rotheschild, who promptly challenges Ossie to do so cos he’s got witnesses who recorded it on the phone for use on facebook and youtube.
The weekend sees the clocks go back, the EPL saying Adios to Ramos and Chavski’s home record fall to L’Poo.
But first Tottscum rubberstamp their place as the laughing stock of the English game by finally ending Ramos’s tenure as head coach and promptly bringing in life long ‘gunner’ Harry Redknapp. As ADS so pertinently put it: “ Hopefully ‘Arry the sell out Gooner is just having us all on and is on a mission to take the yids down.” LOL
Chavski’s 86 game home unbeaten run comes crashing down as they put in an impotent performance against L’Poo.
To end Super Sunday the Gunners show determination and perseverance to finally vanquish plucky Hammers with a 2-0 win at Boleyn Ground inspired by supersub Ade. This despite Robert Green and the Linesman’s best efforts to stop our boys from winning.
This week we’ve got Arry’s Spuds coming over armed with their newfound confidence. Expect us to help their pursuit of a place in next season’s Championship campaign by giving them a royal thrashing, and then show them how to beat a team like Stoke City next Saturday.
I’ve just managed to obtain the manuscript for the new Osborne & Cameron Show. Must say they seem to have bitten some Little Britain material but then that’s the Tory way innit.
Anyways, here it is:
On the eve of Prime Minister’s Questions Cameron summons Ossie to his office to explain the rumours surrounding yacht-gate
Cam: Ossie can you please tell me what the hell’s going on here?! Fat Gordon will have me for breakfast if we don’t get the story straight
Ossie: (after a long pause)… well… yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but… Nat Rotheschild told me dat Nigella Lawson was gonna be on the boat yeah so I went there to see if she really was gonna hav it off with Lord Tebbitt but Caroline Spelman (slut) turned up with David Davies AND William Hague cos they woz told dat Ollie Letwin teefed John Redwood’s woman yeah but Ollie said he’d never be seen dead with her cos he woz checkin Norman Lamont’s new girlfriend on sly and do you know who Norm’s girl is? ANNE WIDDICOMBE I knooooowww baaaad innit! but Anne didn’t want dem to know cos she was going there to hav it out with Deripaska cos he’s denying he got her up the duff after he bought her a kebab after they woz set up by Ken Clarke but I didn’t know nuffin about it sir!
Well, before I go it is customary for me to dispense with a few wisely chosen words I’ve dug up from songs, writings, musings, whatever for which purpose I do not know.
But the point is it sounds good…
So without further ado I’ll leave you with this:
“Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out”
Until we cross paths once more like ships passing in the night I shall bid you adieu.