Of all the fixtures on the footballing calendar this is the one I loathe. Not just because we generally have a hard time up in Bolton but I really hate the way they ‘play’. As a self confessed follower of sexy football who freely admits to bowing down to the prophets such as Maradona, Zidane and Thy Holy Lord Dennis Bergkamp, it pains me to see such Satanists bow their dirty heads to the likes of Sam Allardyce and his successors at The Reebok.

Anyhow we lined up with Almunia, Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Clichy, Eboue, Fabregas, Song, Denilson, Adebayor and Bendtner.

This was a great opportunity for both Song and Bendtner to put a good performance in and show us what they could do. And also it was time to show Bolton that proper football is better than the toss they play.

From the first minute we played some sexy football and did not look the least bit jaded from our midweek travelling, cheers to one of the Royals for giving us a loan of his plane.

The first save of the game came from Almunia when Kevin Nolan hit a stinger of a shot which was comfortably tipped over the bar by Manuel. From the resulting corner we gained a free kick after Nolan had a bit of push on Almunia in the area.

A lovely run and cross field pass was constructed by Eboue, his pass found the feet of Adebayor who laid it off nicely to Fabregas. Sagna then picked up Fabregas’ pass and the move was broken down when the ball went out for a corner.

Again it was Eboue with another infield run that provided some inspiration but once again when Sagna tried to belt a cross in it was deflected out for a corner. We really need to sort our corners out, I have no idea why but we are just crap at them. Nothing ever comes from them.

In typical Bolton fashion they won a dodgy looking corner and pumped in a high ball. Our defending to be fair was totally static, there was no-one picking up Kevin Davies who completely out jumped Kolo Toure from a standing start. Shameful behaviour that we fall behind to these heathens.

Denilson was then presented with a nice chance to even things up when Bendtner played him in just outside the area. He looked like he was in a bit of a hurry and snatched at his shot which he ended up skying over the bar.

Eboue who made some great runs cut in from the left and slide the ball to Cesc who gave it out to Bendtner. Nicky B looked a little lost and flustered but managed to win us a corner. Again we done nothing from the said corner but the ball came back out kindly to Cesc who floated a heavenly little ball over to Bendtner at the back post, Bendtner knocked it down nicely for Toure who connected with the ball beautifully but saw his shot fizz past the post.

What I love about being a Gooner is the fact we don’t really give up do we? And even better than that is we don’t try these long ball tactics when it isn’t going our way. We keep playing our game, our way. Unlike Bolton who just long ball it, long ball it, long ball it. Bolton and sexy football is like halal pork, it just doesn’t exist and never will.

Our counter attacking today was frightenly fast…well not really so frightening for us cos we’re Gooners and we love it but frightening for other supporters of lesser teams i.e. anyone that isn’t us. Anyhow back to the game Ade countered well and ran full pelt through the middle. He had two men and his back and only the keeper to beat. It’s in I thought, I was off the sofa ready to have a little celebratory jig but no. Some thick northerner put a post where Ade was aiming for, it was a touch unlucky by the big man and the keeper did come out well to put him off. Bit disappointing though.

Bendtner who hadn’t been too involved in the game then had a crack at goal after a lovely cut back from Cesc, his shot was deflected off Shittu’s legs and goes for a corner. How apt is it that Bolton had a player called Shittu, I call for him to be captain up there because his name alone reflects that dump of a club. From the corner Alex Song cracked the post as well. His header looked to be going in and I was ready for that jig! Stupid bloody northern posts. But momentum was with the good guys and we won’t let these people ruin football.

We went back to the back to start again, patient build up, brilliant passes and tremendous vision was all building up to something I suspected.

I suspected correct and Eboue, who was an early contender for man of the match levelled things up with his first ever goal in the premier league. Cesc gathered the ball at around 30 yards out and played a fantastic ball to Bendtner who then slide in Eboue who rolled it home. Eboue was offside, who cares? 1-1

Just as I finished my letter to be sent to the God of football thanking him for getting us a goal, we got another.

Glorious football played all round which has to really be seen because I can do it no justice, no one could do it justice with words. The movement was majestically majestic and Denilson cut it back for Nicky B to slide on to and put it the keeper who’s name I can’t spell. Harry Potter stuff.

I finished my letter with a PS cheers for the second and sent it off via Dave the carrier pigeon to Dennis Bergkamp.

See when you play sexy football good karma comes, well that’s my philosophy so remember that you pie munching northerners! Down you evil demons!! I can just imagine Arsene exorcising them outside after the game. ‘In the name of the Lord Dennis Bergkamp, I renounce you filthy bastards, now go repent and tell people about sexy football.’

Our counter attacking was sexual today. I have one problem though and it’s been bothering me for a while. I really hate us and corners it’s something that does frustrate me, if we can’t whip them in and onto some ones head lets try a short one and work the thing in.

I sort of miss…not sort of I did miss the attack Bolton had near to half time, I think there was a peno claim but I was ordering pizza and talking to some bird stuck in Dominos on a Saturday is way more appealing to me than Bolton’s attacking play, even is she is a complete dog.

Just as half time approaches Gael Clichy is maimed by Kevin Davies. Craig Burley decides it isn’t a foul because he ‘took the ball’. Yes he did take the ball but he also lunged into the tackle slightly two footed, with his studs showing and put the best left back in the premier league in an ambulance and off to Bolton general.

Djourou came on at half time to replace Clichy and slotted in at right back with Sagna going across to left back.

Song got into the swing of things today and seemed at ease as the game wore on. He sprayed the ball around and ended up receiving it back just outside the area and cracked a shot with the outside of his foot which was saved brilliantly by the Bolton keeper. Corner, nothing.

The second half was a bit stale, we created a few chances but nothing really close that made me almost dance again.

Bolton always have random singings, Mustapha Riga was in my opinion one of the best strikers in Spain last season yet he ended up at Bolton? Strange world this football malarkey.

Riga almost proved me right when he tried to curve the ball around Almuina who had to touch it out for a corner.

Bolton kept with their crappy play and almost got rewarded for it, God loves a trier as they say. But DB10 told them to do one and he helped Manuel Almunia stuck out his leg and stopped the ball from crossing into the promised land.

There was a point I felt a bit nervous, for some reason I believed that this darkness would win over our shining football. But just as Optimus Prime always beat Megatron, The Turtles always beat Shredder and He-Man always horsed Skeletor bad football was not going to beat good football.

Theo came on for Bendtner which was great as Bolton were tiring and Theo could kill them off. A bit like sending Bumble Bee into deal with Megatron first and then having Optimus Prime finish the job.

Not too much to report on really though, Theo hit a shot on reminiscent of one of the glory goals in Zagreb but it skidded wide.

Almunia nearly got me killed when he came off his line to collect well nothing really, he palmed the cross away which landed at the feet of Ricardo Vaz Te. Anyhow as I roared my disgust at Almunia the Mrs who was dying with a hangover almost killed me with the glare I got.

My MOTD Eboue went off and was replaced by Aaron Ramsey .

Theo sped down the middle of the pitch like a turbo charged butterfly. Composed, graceful and bloody fast he laid it wide to Ade, Ade then played it to the back post and the ball was met by the foot of Denilson. It hammered home with authority by Denilson who looked pretty pleased with his bad self! 3-1, game over!

Theo should have made it four not long after, he got the turbo charger on and almost got the ball in the net but was denied by Jaskulisdnasbfahf.

Once again good triumphed over evil.


By Ades_Dancin_Shoes click here for the forum